I am not clinically cyclothymic, manic depressive, bipolar, depressed or anything else – clinically. I’ve never stepped foot in a clinicians office.
I’ve just come to realize over several years, that cyclothymic fits my experience.
periods of hypomania alternating with periods of mild or moderate depression
I get “up” – hypomanic. Not clinical mania, sub mania. Not full blown episodes of mania. Just everything is great and opportunities exist and my mind runs at four hundred forty four miles an hour.
I get “down” – not full depression. Just mild or, occasionally, moderate depression. I don’t have emotional energy to invest in people. I can’t tackle new projects. Sometimes small decisions, even tiny decisions are overwhelming and I can’t make the decision. It might be what to eat for supper – and I sit there, stuck.
And “down” usually follows “up.” And spending a lot of emotional energy or not being careful with how I spend my energy will result in feeling “down.”
Sometimes “down” is a few days (when I’m lucky). Sometimes it is weeks. Sometimes it is even months.
“Up” is usually a week or so. Sometimes longer, occasionally shorter.
I started this blog to take some manic energy and bundle and spend it on an idea that was in my head.
My main goal for this blog is to help myself understand what I am going through. My thoughts on my mental/emotional state have evolved over the years and I feel like I have some clarity on what is going on. This understanding has enabled me to cope much better with the swings of my mood.
If anyone else finds this information and it can help them, that would be wonderful. Good luck to you.